[NOTE: You may want to begin your book club meeting with the somatic exercise at the end of the book. It can help people feel more grounded since the book covers topics that may be difficult for some to discuss.]

1. Connie treasures the memory of being told “You sparkle.” Can you recall a moment in your life when someone saw something special in you—and it stayed with you?

2. If you could speak to young Connie at any point in her story, what would you want to say to her?

3. Connie describes going mute for a year after her sister’s death. How does the body carry trauma in this story? And how does silence function as both a survival strategy and a form of protest?

4. Dr. Stephen Porges’ foreword frames the memoir through the lens of Polyvagal Theory. Did this scientific perspective deepen your understanding of Connie’s emotional and physical responses . . . or your own?

5. Dr. Porges suggests that, as you read, do so with “an awareness of your own physiological responses.” Did you notice any parts of the story when your body reacted (tension/quick breathing/a sense of unease or warmth/connection/relief)?

6. Connie suggests that her parents’ dysfunction was inherited from their own unresolved trauma. How does the memoir explore the idea of intergenerational pain?

7. From the phoenix metaphor to the broken heart Halloween costume, the memoir is rich with symbolic imagery. Which symbols or images resonated most with you, and why?

8. Connie becomes a therapist, helping others navigate trauma. How does her lived experience inform her professional path? What does it mean to turn pain into purpose?

9. Connie finds solace in movement, spiritual connections, and nature. What are your go-to rituals or practices that help you feel grounded or joyful? Are there ways you have found to carry those feelings with you throughout the day?

10. How did reading this memoir affect your own perceptions of memory, voice, or personal narrative?

11. Did you try the healing exercise at the end of the book? How was the experience for you?